Shad being Shad (commentary on ch45-48 of Can’t Escape)

(note: sorry about formatting confusingness! I wasn't sure where to put the spaces/enters because they didn't copy to the word document. Things kind of just run together because of that. I tried to separate them as much as possible!)

now that Magik has all four chapters posted, it's time for me to blog 

(*cough*rantlikeaLarxeneReplica*coughitycough*) about them!

Apologies it's so long. But I had a lot to say, and my brain doesn't work like blogging a chapter at the time. So... YOU GET EVERYTHING I HAVE TO SAY AT ONCE!

which is a lot.

Sorry.

~~

So, this started out as a rough idea. Magik needed Namine to run into Shad again, and this was the only time free in his tight schedule.

Because, yes, he has a tight schedule.

Then, he just RANTED like CRAZY at me. I think he likes ranting. Really. He's my ranter. I always have this ONE character that just talks and talks and talks and talks... I guess Shad's that character.

so, I wrote most of this because it was just trying to squeeze in all his rants.

which I managed to get most of them. But, sadly, I couldn't squeeze in this ONE line that I REALLY wanted- ah well. I'll probably post ALL of his rants on here... later... or, heck, I'll just do it now. Why not? I mean, it'll be a long post, but, why do I need three speparate posts for this? Because there's STILL one other rant that needs it's own post. You'll see why when I end up posting it.

There is a certain particularly WEIRD thing about this crossover as a whole. I'm not sure if you caught it, but as I went back and read through it, I read things that SOUNDED like magik wrote them, even I KNOW and REMEMBER writing them myself. But it sounded(sounds?) like magik did. It's weird.

anyway

So, magik wrote the first chapter. She did a great job at that, too. I couldn't have pulled all those memories together, especially not all that from Leon *cough*haven'tplayedFF8*coughcough*. Also, I love the way she ended that, with both Namine and Shad insulting each other at the same time. Beautifully orchestrated. I'm not so good at doing things like that.

I'm not entirely sure if I like how all the rants ended up fitting together in the end. I guess that's my problem, though. I mean, it turned out nice, but Shad's rants flowed REALLY well... but, y'know, it can't JUST be him talking and magik's Namiku listening. They're both nosy little- uhm... hangon. I don't want to say what Shad just said. Well, they won't just sit and let him monologue. Let's go with that.

speaking of which, there's this one that didn't make it in there.

"Oh please, I step one foot in the house and Aerith throws the nearest object at me, hoping it will hit me, thanks to you (magik's Namine). Oh well, this is more fun. Sora has spazz attacks, hates me more, and I don’t have a blade aimed anywhere near me

(I have to do all my work through Sora, which, personally, I think is more fun. They can’t entirely blame me for it, and, even if they do it’s not like they can do anything about it)"

~this is two takes on the same basic rant. Had it made it in, I would've chose one over they other or condensed them somehow. But why he was doing all this crud from his current position didn't come up. I have no idea why he expected it to.

If you care to know, Shad's whole "Oh, you had another guy fall for you?" bit was not one of the original rants. He came up with that on the spot.

Riku (my Riku. I'll probably end up calling magik's Riku "Real Thing" shortly...) crying- I had like five different ideas for how Shad interrupted them. 

"Is he… crying? Did I make him cry!? Oh, gosh, I made him cry! I feel accomplished now! And… uh… oddly afraid because of that glare you’re giving me

I made him cry! That is oddly… satisfying… (glance at Namine) and yet… unsatisfying, because of that glare you’re giving me… nice way to ruin my moment!

Is he… crying? Did I make him cry!? Oh gosh I made him cry! (of course, he's sounding all too happy about this) I feel accomplished now! I made Riku CRY!

Wait! Shh! Shh just a sec!
(holds up a finger to silence them; listens)
Is he… crying? Did I make him cry!? Oh gosh, I made him cry!
How long has he been crying? How the hell didn’t I notice sooner!?"

~of course, it ended up being the last one that made it in. Minus that last line. That last line didn't end up making it in, obviously. It was an afterthought, though, once I realized that, timing wise, Riku had been crying for a while before Shad even noticed, hence why he's so surprised that- y'know.

Oh! The "You're the reason he's so messed up" and "he can't handle being loved" weren't originally planned to go in there. I wrote them down because I liked what Shad gave me, but I thought that it would be... spoiler-y to put? I don't know, I was under this ODD notion for a while that I wanted to wait before I went into depth about Riku's feelings about magik's Namine. But, I'm technically getting close to where I go into depth on it, so leaving little hints can't be a problem. And I mean I'm close! Next major point on my list! After two minor points and whatever the heck everyone decides to fill the gaps with.

Anyway, so, Shad actually added some stuff to that, because the original rant was like.. three lines. the whole "You screwed him up! Not just because of what you did to him mentally... but what you did to him emotionally-" wasn't there to begin with. But I'm glad Shad thought of it, because it's incredibly important.

Oh hi! That ended up in a different spot than I expected it! hang on *scrolls down in one of the four documents I'm working from*

Here's an alternate idea I had for why he was going to try and grab control of Sora again

"Ah, damn! I should’ve told him you’d been here! He would’ve flipped! Stupid, stupid, stupid! You’re as bad as Sora, letting important things like this slip your mind!
I mean, how did I forget that you’d been here! His reaction would’ve been-
You’re here now…
You’re here now.
You’re here now!
Ahaha! Perfect! No, better! This’ll be great!"

~Well, this is a bit confusing and makes me question Shad's sanity. He's talking to Namine first, then he scolds himself, then he's muttering to himself as he realizes something, and then he laughs like Dimentio (the ahahaha is such a Dimentio laugh. just saying).

There wasn't much about the part with Sora that ended up different. A few minor changes based on context and continuity. Nothing worth mentioning.

Aha! next is the "wallowing!" I love the wallowing. He insisted on using "wallow". Made me laugh. And the original version was SO cheesy, too. Like, I could see him in my head over-acting it all out, with like him reaching out on "anguish and uncertainty", then clenchin his hand into a fist about "anger" pausing dramatically, pulling his fist to over his heart, flipping his hair slightly as he glanced dramatically back at them right before "desperation". Seriously. It's like the actor that played Ozai in the "Ember Island Players" Avatar episode. Actually, like ALL the actors in that episode. Seriously. It made me laugh though.

Now we move on to bothering Real Thing. I was going to say more, but then I realized that would kill the suspense that's going to start building up later in Dead Inside. So... shh *holds finger over lips and then grins* oh wait- that's one of those inside jokes that only I know about... because I have inside jokes with myself because I have absolutely no social life. Though, technically, it's inside jokes between me and my characters, but I'm rambling and off topic, so I'm stopping there.

Back to the subject of Ansem! (heheh, I did it again)

That memory that magik's Riku thought of was from RR basement 4. After the battle with Lexaeus where Ansem laughs like a creeper. *shudders* Creeper. He's such a creeper.

And, yes, magik's Riku did that on purpose.

And, YES, Shad did squirm. He's not a big fan of creepers. I mean, I know he can be one himself sometimes, but he's got some of Sora's basic quirks, and I don't think Sora's a fan of creepers either.

and NOW we're onto the BBS stuff!

I had a lot of rants about BBS that didn't make it in. Which is a pity, and I'll have to squeeze two of them in later because one is really important for book 5, and the other one I just love to death.

Anyway, so, yes, that was Vanitas that Shad couldn't remember. I think he has trouble with Latin. He only remember's Ven's name because calling Ven "Ventus" scares the pants off of him. Well, when Shad calls him Ventus. Because Shad sounds like Vanitas and Vanitas only ever called Ven "Ventus". You follow? He can't remember Vanitas's name because he was only getting really frantic memories from Ven, and Ven's a bit too bright for him to properly gather anything from. He doesn't remember Aqua's name because of the same reason.

I mean, he could've looked through Sora's memories and figured it out, but-

"Sora has met her! okay! I just didn’t bother looking back that far. I hadn’t assumed that, you know, it would’ve-

I mean-
The age difference, and-
Huh."

He didn't think to because of the fact that Aqua's still the same age as she was 7 years ago, due to being in the Realm of Darkness. And he didn't realize that she had been in the Realm of Darkness, and so- I mean, you have to be following this. If you aren't let me know, but I'm starting to feel like I'm over explaining.

Here's something that would've gone after saying that he wondered if she was around to pull darkness from:

"She's FULL of dark thoughts! Well, okay, not BAD-dark, more like Aerith-dark the 'I've lost someone I cared about and I'm not too happy about it' sort of darkness.
Terra, his name was. And HE was consumed by the darkness
(evil smirk)"

~I love how he makes "Aerith-dark" a label. 

Oh, and why does he remember Terra? Because it's relatively easy, and, being darkness, he probably has some darkness-knowledge of Terra because Terra was consumed by darkness. That makes sense, right? I feel like this is one of those things that only ends up making sense in my own head.

Anyway, there was a lot of rants about the BBS trio that ended up getting cut out. Which is a shame. Like, there's this one, where if the subject of Riku nearly killing Sora came up, Shad would say:

"It might have been nice if he had killed Sora. Would've made the rest of my life boring, but- I could always spend the rest of it haunting Ventus! Oh... wait... No I can't. I'd rather not get turned into a Keyblade"

~Because even though he doesn't remember a lot about Vanitas, the most prominent memory in Ven's head was probably the whole X-blade thing, so Shad understands all that junk.

There was another one that would've just been randomly:

"Aqua! Her name was Aqua! And... that was a really private memory... How the hell did I pickthat up?"

~Because he was probably still subconsciously trying to get in touch with Ven, and so he ended up picking up something from Aqua. Or... something. I don't know what the memory was or who he picked it up from, all I know is that he was slightly disturbed by it. It probably was something between Aqua and Terra, since they were officially a couple in my universe. So, y'know, something he doesn't want to be seeing... yeah...

moving on!

wanting Namine to meet Riku... not much to- oh wait!

Idk, this was another of those "if this happened then Shad would say" things. So one of them would ask how Riku was doing, and:
Shad: I don't know. You can go talk to him if you want. He might have a panic attack. It might be funny.
Riku: What, 'cause I killed him?
Shad: *rolls eyes* He doesn't care about THAT! *glances at Namine* You'd be the one to trigger it.
Namine: Me...?
Shad: Yup. Should've heard what he said the moment I mentioned you!

~of course, that's not ENTIRELY accurate anymore. but... whatev 

though, while I'm on the subject of Riku freaking out, there's a particular reason WHY we didn't have Riku meet Real Thing in this. Well, actually, Riku and Real Thing would probably have gone okay. But because in this context, it would have to be Riku meeting Real Thing AND magik's Namine-

That's where we hit the problem. My Riku and her Namine can't really meet anytime soon. My Riku's too emotionally unstable at the moment. I mean, I know he doesn't seem that way, but you'll realize that he's only supressing every thought of her. And seeing her would just let loose everything he's been suprressing-

which is a lot.

one second, I'm trying to keep going chronologically here, so two quick things and we'll get back to that.

the line "Bi- I mean, witch!" makes me think of Stupid Mario Brothers. I know that's extremely random, but if you watch the series, it just sounds like something Matt would say. Or, in my head, Shad's saying it much like Matt would say it. Just... nevermind... You'd have to have watched the series to understand (if you do start, Matt plays Wario)

 So (sorry, just thought of something else. We'll get back to Riku's panic attack in a sec, I swear) I mentioned the "Rather not have my heart brutally shattered" line to magik, asking what Namine would do in response, and she responded with "oh, she'd probably strangle him"

Of course, they can't touch each other. But, still.

Small little note. When he thinks "Show that stupid little witch that you're better" he wasn't thinking "witch". He was thinking the alternative, since no one can kill him for thinking it. However, I still censored him because I only allow that language if it's cut off. Sorry.

And, now back to Riku having a panic attack.

I was running through what might have happened if Shad had actually managed to teleport himself and Namine to Aerith's house, thinking that maybe I'd write it and stick it in ASAS later. As I went on, though, I realized that I wouldn't be able to because of Riku's reaction.

Here's everything that I came up with:

Shad: She's tying to strangle me!!
Sora: ANd you expect us to have sympathy for you? You obviously said something to provoke her!

Real Thing: (trying to get Namine to leave) Namine, Namine, c'mon. He set you up! He isn't worth it! C'mon!

~Namine and Shad are probably screaming insults at each other.

Real Thing: There you are! You don't know how (worried I was, is how that finishes)- uh- Namine, I can't threaten him if you're strangling him. Get off.

Riku: Real thing!?!
Real Thing: Yeah, hi. I'm busy.

~Real Thing picks Shad up by collar of his shirt
Shad: hey! HEY! What the hell, you shouldn't be able to-
Real Thing: I'm full of darkness, idiot, I think that negates your odd plan of existence

~or, if it didn't
Real Thing: Sora, slap- no. Punch him for me, will you? Thanks.

~now we get into Riku's panick attack.

(after Namine tells Shad to... idk, stop or something)
Shad: What are you gonna do, huh? Shatter me, just like? *pulls at memory in Riku*
Namine: I said leave him alone!
Riku: Stop it- STOP IT! Please! Just- STOP! Please. (He's really frantic and close to tears by this point, might I add. Seriously, I had trouble writing this, he was so upset)
Namine: Cut it out!
Shad: *laughs* I don't think that was directed at me
Namine: Hmm?
Riku: (fighting to get his tears under control, and shakily) I don't need you to protect me. I- I can handle it myself. So stop. Please. It- (whispers) it just hurts. 

and then, I didn't write this down, but-

Riku: Can you go? Please? I- I can't- Namine, please! I- *claps his hand over his mouth* (he's most likely in tears by this point, and he whispers with dread) oh god (I don't like using "god". But I can't think of an alternative that portrays the same idea, so...)
~Namine would glance at him, catch his eye, and then she understands
Namine: C'mon Riku. Let's go.
~Real Thing, not wanting to argue, would activate the star shard and take them away from there
Real Thing: Why did we have to leave?
Namine: (quietly) because if we had stayed, he would've done something that both he and I would regret

~confused?

Well, this is going back to the "he can't control himself when he's around her" thing. Have I mentioned that before? Maybe? No? Well, it's because being around her, he reverts back to hisold self, and thus starts doing/saying things that he doesn't want to do/say. And he has trouble holding it back, because he's been so screwed up that he can't control himself around her. I feel awful for saying that, but it's true.

That's why my Riku and her Namine can't meet up now and won't for a while. Because he's not emotionally stable enough to handle it.

anyway

back to the scene

"Hello, THAT'S a lot of information. I mean, I was getting the most frantic thoughts from Riku" blah blah yata yata. That's referring to a specific memory. Which one? I can't tell you. I'm saving that memory for later, but once it comes up you'll understand.

now, onto magik's Namiku leaving.

I had like twenty rants here that didn't go in. (well, not twenty, but, a lot)

"Let me make this clear to you: I just made him cry, he is an emotional wreck right now, he justthrew himself out the door so he could take his frustration out on some Heartless.
And you… want to stay here? 

Ah, crap, I hope he can’t see me. I am so dead if he can.

You don't mess with Riku when he's pissed. That ends with a blade through your gut unless you're on a small list of about 5 people that he knows better than to attack. Maybe 6. Idk what he'd do to Vexen."

~that last one is just a bit of an add-on.

That's about it.

I mean, I know that's alot, but that's it.

Oh, except, magik wrote the ending. after "the fact that the two of you are here together isn't going to go down well, either" it's all her. 

And, technically, there's a small continuity error. Shad shouldn't have technically left. I mean, it just makes more sense if he stays, based on what'll happen in the next chapter I post to Dead Inside. I mean, I have plenty good reasons why he ended up coming back (besides it being necessary and all) but it would've probably made more sense if he stayed.

Ah well. too late now.